Serenity and Responsibility

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life;
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen

I am not responsible for anybody else’s choices.

I am not responsible for anybody else’s actions.

I am not responsible for anybody else’s emotions.

I am not going to adjust my boundaries to make somebody else comfortable.

I will not walk on eggshells.

I will not cower in fear.

I will not attack, but neither will I accept attacks.

I do not accept that my past defines me.

I do not accept that I am worthless.

I am responsible for me.

I am responsible for my actions, my choices, and my reactions.

What I choose to do is up to me. How I choose to act is up to me. I will not be controlled, manipulated, or coerced in any way. I have been wrong in many ways, and I have been right in many ways. That is part of being a human being. Learning from mistakes and moving forward is all that anybody can do.

This entire process of discovering who I truly am has been an exhausting and emotional journey. I have learned more about myself in the past two years than I have in my entire life. I have not arrived at the end, and I never will until the end of my life, but at this point I have a stronger handle on who I am. I know what I will and won’t tolerate in my life.

God has worked miracles in my life. I have been completely reborn. I thought I would never see another joyful day in my life, and He has brought me more joy than I ever could have dreamed.

I wish I could go back and hug the broken shell of a woman that I was not too long ago.

I wish I could show her the joy that she had before her. I can see where God has ordered my steps, where He has protected me. I can see exactly where I abandoned Him, and how that worked out for me, and where I cried out for Him, and how He saved me. I have truly come through fire, a fire that I stoked along the way, but a fire nonetheless.

I am learning to roll my sleeves up and jump in with both feet. I am learning to not be so scared to try new things. I am learning to stop focusing on the obstacles and the challenges, but to instead focus on the results and the lessons in the journey. It’s a valuable lesson, and I’m thankful to still be here to learn it.