Fly Through the Fiery Sky

Fly through the fiery sky
Alive with fear
Grasping at stars
Burning with hope
The seasons of shame
Forever wax and wane
Fear and trust balancing
On the edge of your sanity
Darkness pulls from below
Light beckons from above
Spread your wings
And fly through the fiery sky

-bloominash (aka me)

I don’t have too much to say these days about recovery, but I’m here. No alcohol in 4 years and a few months. It’s been a difficult year, but I’m not as comfortable as I used to be with putting all my business out there. It’s weird.

I feel like retreating back into the shadows a bit, but I’m resisting the urge to delete my blog. Not because I’m ashamed of it, I’m absolutely not ashamed – I’m proud of it. The thing is, it sits here as a reminder of a Thing I’m Not Doing. But you know, that’s ok. I can write here when I do feel comfortable enough (and the second part: can hit the “publish” button without thinking too much).

This year, I’m quieter here because I think I’ve been smacked in the face with how much I really don’t know.

Not that I thought I had it all figured out, but I’m really starting to grasp how complex all of this can be. I’m starting therapy again soon, and I suspect I might have undiagnosed ADHD. I don’t know. Maybe not. But if so, it would explain a lot and I’ll probably write more when I feel more like talking about it.

Then, there’s that other voice in my head that tells me I’m over-complicating things. It’s really not that complex – Keep It Simple, Silly. You know. And that’s true in its own way, so I won’t knock it. But it doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t benefit from therapy, not at all. It’s worth getting back to now that I’m in a better, less hectic place in life. No major crises getting in the way.

My brain is all kinds of muddled right now, and I’m trying not to get all up in my feelings too much. They are unpredictable little shits sometimes, not to be trusted. Life is good, I’m thankful for everything I have and I will keep trying to give back what I’ve been given in whatever ways present themselves. That’s the important thing.