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Recovery

3 Months, and I’m Still Sober

When I first heard Kelly Clarkson’s song “Sober”, I was maybe a month sober again after my relapse and active addiction for the last few years. I just searched for “recovery songs” to try and make some kind of playlist for myself, and that was one that came up. At first, I kicked myself for…

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I’m Still Here

It’s been a few years, eh? 2020 was a doozy for everyone, and I was no exception. I’m here, I’m alive, I’m ok. Unfortunately, I don’t have the same sobriety date anymore, and I’m not sure how to address that in the “right” way except just as honestly as I can. Recovery is hard. I’ve…

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Fly Through the Fiery Sky

birds flying sunset

Fly through the fiery sky Alive with fear Grasping at stars Burning with hope The seasons of shame Forever wax and wane Fear and trust balancing On the edge of your sanity Darkness pulls from below Light beckons from above Spread your wings And fly through the fiery sky -bloominash (aka me) I don’t have…

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Drunk Me Is Not The Real Me

drunk me is not the real me

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say things like, “Whatever you say drunk is what you really want to say when you’re sober,” or “Drunk you only does what sober you wants to do.” This may be true for some people, but I’m going to go ahead and call BS on…

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Raising Daughters and Turning 33

happy birthday sober birthday

I’ll be 33 years old tomorrow. When you’re an adult, the milestone birthdays are mostly decades. Your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, and so on. The middle numbers aren’t quite as Big to most people. Last month, I had an abnormal pap smear for the first time ever. Yesterday, I had outpatient surgery to remove the culprit(s).…

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Small Acts of Defiance

dark hallway depression and sobriety-min

Why get better? What’s the point? Apathy offers to numb everything for me. I crave it, I don’t want to give a shit about anything. It’s much easier to function in this world that way. If I don’t think too much about anything, I can coast without any real emotions. Emotions are unpredictable, and they…

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Embracing My Inner Pollyanna

woman with balloons no apologies for positive attitude bloominash

When I was younger, a few people mocked me for being too positive. I was too much of a Pollyanna, it was nauseating and I was naive. Or at least that’s what I was told. I don’t know why it affected me the way it did. None of those people are still in my life,…

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We Don’t Need No Expectations

be still and know that I am God - managing expectations in sobriety

“Hey! Anxiety! Leave my brain alone!…” Alright, alright. Anyway. Expectations are tricky. On one hand, it’s important to have standards and boundaries. Not just important, but necessary. It turns out that standards and boundaries aren’t at all the same thing as expectations, though. I used to drive myself crazy playing out entire conversations in my…

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