Mental Health
Going Quiet In A Noisy World
I’ve been off social media for about a week now. There’s nothing new or groundbreaking about taking a break from particular apps. I’ve done it a few times, many others have done it, especially during Lent or for New Year’s Resolutions and the like. This time though, it feels different somehow. I honestly don’t miss…
Read MoreSmall Acts of Defiance
Why get better? What’s the point? Apathy offers to numb everything for me. I crave it, I don’t want to give a shit about anything. It’s much easier to function in this world that way. If I don’t think too much about anything, I can coast without any real emotions. Emotions are unpredictable, and they…
Read More3 Simple Habits That Are Changing My Life
The way we build and break habits endlessly fascinates me. When I read The Power of Habit last year, something shifted. I stopped worrying that a fleeting (and sometimes not so fleeting) desire for a drink would turn into an actual drink. This book helped me to pay more attention to what my brain was…
Read More“A Star Is Born” Scared Me A Little Bit
******SPOILER ALERT WARNING****** Sometimes, I like to go to the movies by myself. It’s rare. Just going to the theater in the first place is pretty rare for me. It’s hard for me to sit still that long, my mind always racing to the work I should be doing, errands I should be…
Read MoreDefying The Voice
I want to write. “What’s the point?” Hush. My words matter. My story matters. Doesn’t it? You’re a narcissist. Self-absorbed. Other people don’t have to celebrate making it through life without getting drunk. Other people just deal with their problems quietly, they don’t have to bleed out all over the internet to validate themselves. Do…
Read MoreI Stopped Apologizing For Not Wearing Makeup
“Sorry I’m not wearing makeup, it’s been one of those days.” I’m somewhat embarrassed that it’s taken me this long to stop apologizing for my face. The last few times I apologized for wearing makeup, it was primarily to men, and I remember them looking mildly awkward about it. Not awkward that I was without…
Read MoreDear Self: There Are Some Things You Need to Know
A letter I wrote to myself after a bit of a meltdown: Alright, Ashley. There are some things you need to know about how to live. You don’t really know them yet, but maybe by the time you check out of this life, you’ll have a marginal understanding of these things. We can only hope.…
Read MoreI Stopped Being Grateful
The kitchen is dark except for the counter lights under the cabinets. My favorite sign is leaning against the wall on the counter, “This Kitchen Is For Dancing”. We’ve danced so many times in this kitchen. I stopped being grateful for this house. What a mistake. A ceramic angel is watching me, next to a…
Read MoreSometimes I Cry For No Reason. It’s Weird.
A picture might say a thousand words, but this picture doesn’t tell the whole story. You’d never know from this picture that just 20 minutes ago, I was sobbing into my husband’s shoulder. You wouldn’t know from this picture that about an hour ago, I was snapping at my children if they so much as…
Read MoreMy Pros & Cons for Taking Medication in Sobriety
When I quit drinking, I stopped all other substances of any kind, prescribed or otherwise. For a while. At 10 months sober, I got an impacted wisdom tooth as my 30th birthday present. It hurt. Badly. They removed it without any anesthesia, just numbed my mouth and got it over with. Ouch. Lots of ouch.…
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