Posts by Ashley Ann
Food: The Never Ending Struggle
It’s 4:26am, and my coffee tastes delicious. I’m not stoked about being awake this early, but if I must be, at least I can enjoy some good coffee. We are creatures of habit. My mornings look almost identical most days – the only difference, lately, is the time they start. Waking up at 3am and…
Read MoreGoing Quiet In A Noisy World
I’ve been off social media for about a week now. There’s nothing new or groundbreaking about taking a break from particular apps. I’ve done it a few times, many others have done it, especially during Lent or for New Year’s Resolutions and the like. This time though, it feels different somehow. I honestly don’t miss…
Read MoreFly Through the Fiery Sky
Fly through the fiery sky Alive with fear Grasping at stars Burning with hope The seasons of shame Forever wax and wane Fear and trust balancing On the edge of your sanity Darkness pulls from below Light beckons from above Spread your wings And fly through the fiery sky -bloominash (aka me) I don’t have…
Read MoreDrunk Me Is Not The Real Me
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say things like, “Whatever you say drunk is what you really want to say when you’re sober,” or “Drunk you only does what sober you wants to do.” This may be true for some people, but I’m going to go ahead and call BS on…
Read MoreRaising Daughters and Turning 33
I’ll be 33 years old tomorrow. When you’re an adult, the milestone birthdays are mostly decades. Your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, and so on. The middle numbers aren’t quite as Big to most people. Last month, I had an abnormal pap smear for the first time ever. Yesterday, I had outpatient surgery to remove the culprit(s).…
Read MoreSmall Acts of Defiance
Why get better? What’s the point? Apathy offers to numb everything for me. I crave it, I don’t want to give a shit about anything. It’s much easier to function in this world that way. If I don’t think too much about anything, I can coast without any real emotions. Emotions are unpredictable, and they…
Read More14 Things I Believe About Myself and My Alcoholism
There was a time when I thought my opinion was gold, that I should tell everybody my thoughts and stances on everything all the time. That ship has mostly sailed, but sometimes it’s nice to know where somebody is coming from and the belief systems that govern their world. With that in mind, I have…
Read More4 Things That Can Trigger a Mental Obsession with Alcohol
Obsessing about alcohol sucks. I hate the mental obsession that comes with this addiction. I loathe the clawing in my brain, the insatiable need. There are things I can do to kick off that mental obsession all over again. Some of them are obvious: I can drink, smoke pot, or toy with other socially acceptable drugs.…
Read MoreEmbracing My Inner Pollyanna
When I was younger, a few people mocked me for being too positive. I was too much of a Pollyanna, it was nauseating and I was naive. Or at least that’s what I was told. I don’t know why it affected me the way it did. None of those people are still in my life,…
Read MoreWe Don’t Need No Expectations
“Hey! Anxiety! Leave my brain alone!…” Alright, alright. Anyway. Expectations are tricky. On one hand, it’s important to have standards and boundaries. Not just important, but necessary. It turns out that standards and boundaries aren’t at all the same thing as expectations, though. I used to drive myself crazy playing out entire conversations in my…
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